Natbar, resurrect...

Natbar, I am little surprised after reading your last letter. I can’t understand why are you still sticking on the same monotonous old lost story? Don’t you understand that there is, in fact, no one to hear you in that respect? Actually, you don’t left any body to listen.

You said that you are feeling guilty. But I don’t understand for what you should feel guilty! What have you done? You argued that you insulted sree, you quarreled with her, you disrespected her any many ways, you couldn’t show proper concern about her bla bla bla ….

Okey, let me understand one by one.

You insulted her. You did a wrong thing. I am not going to the details, as every body concerned with this knows very well about the story. At least you and sree know better. It might be an impulsive issue. I don’t believe that you did that in a conscious way. And for that you beg apology to every concerned person. But always remember, you can’t ever back the word you have said once. And for that you should be ready for any reaction, any sentence, and any punishment. And you are getting that. You are not the person to decide what kind of punishment you deserve. You can only take that punishment with smiling or not, but you have to take that anyway. You done a wrong and you got punishment and you already faced… then where is the room for feeling guilt? At best you can be ashamed, not more that.

Secondly, you quarreled. Every body quarrels. It’s a common and very much natural thing to do. We generally quarrel with that person with whom we are well acquainted, with other people we show our anger, our hate but we don’t quarrel, we avoid. Can you remember a single issue for which you quarreled with sree… remember… try again… can’t remember… because those were very silly issues so you can’t remember.

I am trying to make you remember something. You weren’t with her at the B’Day Party. You used to hate some of her friends. You also used to hate some of her close kin. You smoked although she requested not to smoke…. any more major issues? … frankly I can’t remember!

Now, let talk about the disrespect you showed to her. Yes you did that. Not once, several times. If you can’t remember then I will make you remember. She told you something about herself with trust. What have you done?

Do you have any explanation? Ohhh … I know you will say the same thing which I have heard at least 100 times. Bogus. Don’t forget you were nobody to think about her. Her parents were there and they are more concern and efficient to take care about her and to take decision about her fate. Who the hell you were to suggest about what is good or what is bad! You being a utopian “Tees Mar Khan” suggested a lot of things to her parents, they listened carefully, you thought you were the savior, they did whatever they thought right from their point of view … and you disrespect your love, you became dishonest. All were your fault. You proved that you are a nut. And as a result you lost her. But the story doesn’t end here. You are so fool that you never ever able to follow her pulses. She was angry. You made her so.

But after all these things I know very well that how much you love her. If I am not wrong, it is the eighth month you are trying to bring her back. But dear, how could you do? She left you after facing a lot of trouble created by you. Could you bring back her those beautiful times? No, you can’t. She will never ever back to you. Why should she?

Dear, you wrote in your letter that you are not able to perform your duties properly as you always thinking about her. Please don’t give any more lame excuses! You can do. In fact you are doing. Do not forget those critical days when just to forget everything you worked overloaded. You worked like a coolie, you carried packets from here to there, you did sweep, you did roam everywhere for more and more work. And one day you lost yourself in work and forgot everything. Then what happened again?

One word in you letter made me laugh at loud and that was “suicidal tendency”! Dear, if you don’t have any urge to live then just live without expecting a little from the life. There are possibly, in broad sense, two types of suicide occurs in this world. One is physical and another is non-physical (moral). Go dear, opt for the non-physical. It is much easier. Just become indifferent about the outer world. I know you already became indifferent to some extent. But this time be more serious. Don’t think about anybody, any issues. Just do what ever you want to do. Kill every expectation, every little tender quality, and every emotion and if you are able to do that then you will definitely realize that there is no need to take your life off from yourself.

Make yourself ready for the unknown world, unknown stories and just forget and if possible forgive every person whom once you love. Love is nothing, dear. In this practical world there is nobody ready to forgive you for your every mistakes, no matter how little your mistakes were. So why bother!

Do you forget about the story of “Phoenix”? Phoenix (mythology), legendary bird that lived in Arabia. According to tradition, the phoenix consumed itself by fire every 500 years, and a new, young phoenix sprang from its ashes. In the mythology of ancient Egypt, the phoenix represented the sun, which dies at night and is reborn in the morning. Early Christian tradition adopted the phoenix as a symbol of both immortality and resurrection.

Here lies the clue of life. Resurrection: rising from dead.

Are you mourning thinking that without you how that little sree will survive in this world? Idiot, sree is no more little… your presence made her able to live. Believe or not, you always have some thought-provoking ideas and those have crippled in her mind very positively. She is now more mature than you. She knows well how to live and how to make others happy. So, probably, no need to think about her. Just wish that she be happy, always.

Wish you a very happy resurrection!

Natbar, go and get sailed out ...

Early in the day it was whispered that we should sail in a boat, only you and I, and never a soul in the world would know of this our pilgrimage to no country and to no end. In that shoreless ocean, at thy silently listening smile my songs would swell in melodies, free as waves, free from all bondage of words. Is the time not come yet? Are there works still to do? Lo, the evening has come down upon the shore and in the fading light the seabirds come flying to their nests. Who knows when the chains will be off, and the boat, like the last glimmer of sunset, vanish into the night? (copied from kabiguru's)

Early in the day it was whispered that we should sail in a boat,
only thou and I, and never a soul in the world would know of this our
pilgrimage to no country and to no end.

In that shoreless ocean,
at thy silently listening smile my songs would swell in melodies,
free as waves, free from all bondage of words.

Is the time not come yet?
Are there works still to do?
Lo, the evening has come down upon the shore
and in the fading light the seabirds come flying to their nests.

Who knows when the chains will be off,
and the boat, like the last glimmer of sunset,
vanish into the night?























antivirus, youtube to mp3

Natbar, please come to the point...

Here goes a single page of the diary of Mr. Natbar Lal. Natbar Lal is a close friend of myself. This idiot is a good person but the main thing is that he is an 'export quality idiot'. He just doesn't know what to do, what to say, what not to do and what not to say.

If you don't believe than read the non-sense. Here it goes...

" So, at least, I started to tell something which I strongly believe or which I wished to bury underneath my clothes.

Recently I have been kicked out by someone whom I believe I love the most.

There were a lot of reasons for which that person had to take the fatal decision. Instead of analyzing the reasons from her end, I think, I should criticize myself.

However, the fact is 'i have been kicked out!'.

I tried to rectify ( rather, I am still trying...) my faults, whatever had been identified by her, in anticipation that she will again come back and never get hurt by myself.

My parents are very much fond of her. They not only like that person but they are very much concerned for her. They did not believe that the relationship is over. They tried to make me understand, they wanted to interfere to solve things but I stopped them. They tried to console but I insult and ignore them. They even wished to talk directly to the parents of that person to solve things, but I strongly opposed.

Usually, I am sensitive and idiotically emotional. I, probably, don't know how to maintain a good relationship. I became upset. And this reflected in my behavior. I took some wrong steps which made my parents, some close friends and one of my 'boss'- Tarababu very much worried about myself.

I am thank full to those individuals who silently helped me to recover.

And, that is the wrong conception!

I didn't recover. I was busy with my lot of job and upcoming pressures. But in the deep of my mind there was only one name.

But the fact is 'I have been kicked out!'

Again, I took a wrong step.

To forget everything, to overcome, to recover I told some of my very close friends to tell my parents that I want to get marry with anybody from any strata from any community but there is one condition, I will not get involved in the selection process of the bride, I don't want to see the face too.

Not only that, I pressurized my parents to take instant steps regarding this.

Only one logic, 'I have been kicked out!' "

Here ends the single page diary of Mr. Natbar Lal.

Now, Mr. Natbar Lal is creating another problem from which he doesn't know how to get rid!

Mr. Natbar Lal can't forget about her.

Mr. Natbar Lal can't show any sorrow in his face.

Mr. Natbar Lal can't run, hide, escape.

Mr. Natbar Lal only dream about sree.

Mr. Natbar Lal needs help but doesn't know from whom and about what.

Just as I like it...

hello hello... hello hello...
is andheri kaali raat mein koi
sune to sunaey haal-e-dil pe haal-e-zindagi
hello hello... hello hello...
koi jawaab do na
jeene ko khuwaab do na
ek dost ka hai chehra
ya phir naqaab do na
hello hello... hello hello...


telephone ki is dor se bandhi meri zindagi
koi khol do, bas torr do, mein choot jaaoun abhi
mujhe chorr do, mujhe thaam lo
kho jaane do, mera naam lo
sab theek hai, hojaeyga
is jhoot se ab kaam lo
hello hello... hello hello...

is andheri kaali raat mein koi
sune to sunaey haal-e-dil pe haal-e-zindagi
hello hello...


kaante ghari ke chubh rahe, aur dil hai yeh andhera
is se bachain to phir dikhe shaayad naya sawera
mujh se zara baatain karo
halke zara raatain karo
sooraj ki pehli kirnon se
meri zindagi ko bharo
hello hello... hello hello...

koi jawaab do na
jeene ko khuwaab do na
ek dost ka hai chehra
ya phir naqaab do na
hello hello... hello hello...

why should I go there?

I am here not to give any excuse, not to insult others, not to regain the faith. I am here to state some facts and to clear some doubts you may have about me and my family.

Its fact that I was the person who initiatated all these. Probably it was 19th or 20th August 2008 when I approached Sree. I approached her because I noticed some purity in her while I talked with her in different places at Malda and/or Faraka. She was lucid, intelligent and somehow intersting. I approached and she was surprised and advised to let these things upto our parents. I agreed. I asked my ma whether she would talked to you or not. She without thinking anything called you and the rest is known to every body.

Everything was perfectly right at its own place except some apparently annoying outside disturbances. In the mean time you were about to be transferred to other state and it was cancelled or otherwise settled. Good news!

I was the person who continuously argued to transfer Sree to Malda College. Every one was apparently or silently against me. I could not said loudly why I wanted her at Malda College. Because already I was aware about some thing which was totally against my belief and imagination.

( I could not complete this post due to some unknown reasons, probably I was emotionally broken, may be, may not be, however, I'm publishing this in anticipation that it will let me understand myself after a long time when nothing will be important... when I will become udaasin, in true sense...)

Do I believe in “... words don’t have the power to hurt you… unless the person who said it means a lot to you.”?

Somehow J. Russel Lynes said “If someone insults you… just ignore it, if you can’t ignore it, laugh at it… if can’t laugh at it off… you probably deserve it.”

If I say, I like to be criticized, then it might be the half truth. Criticism hurts me a lot. But after being critically criticized by others, when I sit calmly in front of the quiet lawn or beneath the unruffled sky, I realized that this criticism is making me the person what I ever wanted to be. It is igniting the strength, it is rectifying me and it is triggering the desire to be complete.

“Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain but it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving.”

Yes, I do believe that every person can criticize irrespective of how and what extent that person is really able and wise to criticize. Probably, to criticize anything is one’s fundamental right. But it doesn’t mean that we should always pay a good attention to that kind of unwanted criticism. It should depend upon our own verdict that what criticism we should accept, irrespective of the criticizer.

Little bit lucidly, as for example, my dearest sister can easily, annoyingly and definitely irritatingly criticize me if I forgot to give her the “welcome flower” at the airport. But should I be hurt, should I consider her child-like arguments as the great insult and curse myself till the day lost its last sun-beam? Would it be a great idea to consider and reconsider and mull over the single and unnecessary event of the day?

Once again, slight imaginarily, suppose once upon a day I was traveling on my elder brother’s office car on the eve of the Durga Puja. The car had a “red light” blinking on its roof as my brother was the newly appointed District Magistrate of the district. The road was declared as “one way” to control the heavy traffic. My brother left us near his office and allowed us to get a view of the city. We, heavily enchanted, entered the wrong way. A Home-Guard stopped our car. I threatened the simple, unarmed and duty-bound Home-Guard by reminding him how he dared to stop a DM’s car! The simple man calmly said it is the rule which was settled and confirmed by the authority and law.

This was one of my greatest insults I have ever received in my life. I learned no one is above the law… I learned something about my faults… that’s why I termed it as an insult. This made me realized. Whenever I think about the incident, I feel ashamed. But, undoubtedly, I have great respect for the simple, unarmed and duty-bound Home-Guard.

The point, what I want to make here is that it doesn’t matter who the person is criticizing me… to me whether I am learning something about my faults from the criticism or not, it is the mantra.

And as all the poor, unwanted, unnecessary, idiotic, unwise, dull-headed criticism are concerned, I like to leave my forgiveness, pity and heart-felt compassion.

So, to me, neither the words nor the person can hurt me until and unless I really realize. This realization may come only by self-criticism. If I can’t criticize my self by my own then how will it be possible to make myself complete, errorless?

So, finally, however, this might sound as the “vicious cycle of criticism”, but I would like to say:

I want to be the ideal person in my own eyes. This will be possible only by continuous up-gradation of my thinking and self consciousness. Self consciousness will come from self criticism. I can criticize myself against the parameters of social laws, rituals, my own spirit and my education. And to be perfectly aware about these parameters I should pay attention to the all criticisms. But it doesn’t necessarily means I have to consider all of them. I have my own verdict and liberty to choose between the good and the bad, and definitely being truthful to my soul and spirit.